Voice is Non-Negotiable

During this fall season with Thanksgiving and Halloween events abound, there are several small scarecrows decorating the local community. It had me thinking that life might be easier, if people were simply made of straw. The inability to express challenging points of view might bring along with it a sense of peace and calm albeit in a falsely muted way.

Unlike any other time in recent history, it feels as though female voices are particularly absent from public discourse. As a junior-senior, I have noticed the rise and fall of gender based issues, especially more traditional feminist perspectives that worked tirelessly to advance the talents, wisdom and contributions of women in the workplace, economy, and elected office.

It has always been hard for professional women to be considered feminist when fights for equality in voice and deed were lumped in with important reproductive health rights like birth control. How did a woman identified as Catholic or religious ever espouse to be a feminist at the same time? Having room to participate without fully buying in on every aspect of a position is in my view an experience of personal freedom. I agree with some aspects of feminism, but not all.

In current times, it feels as though many social movements have silenced voices due in part to increasingly black-and-white discourses that inadvertently limit spaces for real inclusion and diversity of thought. The room for thinking differently was always a feature of social movements that try to speak with one voice. We seem to understand collectively that some level of disagreement was healthy and perhaps the key to advancing social movements and keeping them alive. How did women ever feel included in the feminist movement while also believing in the sanctity of human life from the moment of conception at the same time? As a woman of faith, I never felt fully represented by the feminist movement, yet I would confidently identify as a feminist.

In Indigenous discourses human babies are referred to beautifully as “sacred bundles” that were clearly expressed when challenging our government’s historical practice of forced sterilisation. Our national history around forced sterilisation is quite horrific if you are interested in learning about examples of real oppression in a Canadian context. It is important to look back at our own national history to remember how far governments can go when left without interference by the people on the ground. Our voices remain the most powerful tool to advance change and to protect what we already have.

There are multiple perspectives and voices that represent Canadian values, not just one. Newcomers often express values in session with me that reflect cultural and religious beliefs that differ from secular views that dominate Canadian perspectives at this time. They, like my younger me, are learning to occupy public spaces freely and safely exploring, questioning, and expressing differences of opinion.

At times, my work as a therapist is to encourage women to safely challenge what they experience as oppressive cultural or familial practices that silence them. Women continue to need safe spaces to think about the reasons they are feeling so unwell. Finding a counselling professional who fosters a sense of trust and safety allows women to identify and analyze family and cultural dynamics that disempower them. Despite the progress of modern times, this work with women remains both sensitive and relevant.

The idea that modern society has advanced the rights of women has sadly fallen short of the feminist promise. The right of women to think freely and critically, to grow in ways that best reflect what they need, want and deserve, and to express differences of opinion without prejudice seems weakened.

Instead, women are encouraged to support a ridiculous list of claims around reproductive health, birth control, sex and sexuality, dating and consent, ethical non-monogamy, childbirth, parenting, and more. Themes of women’s issues remain the same as those of us post-60 years of age and older remember them to be. Each big issue for women has within it space for debate. The amount of disinformation is astounding despite educational advancement.

In my private practice , I am privileged to work with a diverse group of professional women seeking mental health support. These women are well educated, highly skilled, and hard-working, and often “ready” to take an honest look at family and cultural dynamics that are classically misogynistic and clearly oppressive for women specifically.

Making personal decisions to separate and divorce is never easy, and can be especially complicated when women are saddled with cultural narratives used to keep them in unhappy and at times emotionally or physically abusive marriages.

Seems we have not really come that far after all, baby!

I am not sure how millennial women will course correct the unfortunate neglect of issues women face who feel it is simply unsafe to speak up. The feminist movement was built upon the fundamental principle that we were there to support, protect, empower and advance one another.

When I tune in to listen to women, I hear the elders speaking out like Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Oprah, and Margaret Atwood. I rarely hear intelligent younger women talking about their issues beyond health and wellness topics like perimenopause, protein consumption, ageing well, and the like. Social discourses that take on the hardcore issues like naming the societal, familial, and economical factors of our times that create the experience of far too many women at home & in the workplace to conclude “I think you like it best when I hold back on what I really want to say and think” are muted.

When you next walk past a decorative scarecrow, I hope you take a moment to reflect on how what you do silences the plight of women who simply wish to live freely and without judgement for their choices. How might you work to empower people to speak up safely on matters of importance to them, and without social repercussions like job loss or social exclusion. In my opinion, your voice is one of the few precious non-negotiable aspects of humanity that we possess. Losing voice is always too high a cost to pay for having a different point of view.

Enjoy your October!

Lisa Romano-Dwyer MSW, PhD, RSW

Prioritize your Wellness Budget

During these financially trying times, you may find that you are forced to review your monthly expenses. Certainly, the cost of living has increased in all areas, so some adjustments have likely been necessary. As a small business owner, my own costs have steadily increased in all areas over the past few years. So, the challenge becomes sustaining your wellness goals during fiscally turbulent times.

Employee health insurance benefits help to meet your personal wellness goals. Full or partial coverage for services such as massage therapy, physiotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy ensures that your wellness goals are supported in holistic ways. Progressive employers understand the profound merit of supporting employee health and wellness through comprehensive benefit plans. This support can continue after retirement for those people who opt to continue to purchase them. Your family doctor is also likely to support your needs for referral to services that help to address physical, emotional, and mental ailments.

So, explore what your employer has co-purchased with you, and make sure that you are utilizing your benefit coverage. Finding a therapist to meet with on a bi-weekly basis will help you to gain clarity on your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness goals that can, in turn, help you to mobilize into action. Two sessions per month can really make a difference in your overall mental, physical, and environmental health and wellness. Improving your mood, confidence levels, and self-esteem are generally fundamental to feeling well. Research also shows that moderate regular exercise including walking has positive impacts on overall health and wellness.

You may find adding “wellness” to your monthly budget a helpful exercise. Costs associated with your gym membership, paramedical health services, and monthly beauty-care can be organized under wellness. Some of you may wish to include your costs of food under this section as well. For many, the quality of food is not compromised by increases in costs even though there may be a significant change in the budget allotted for food. Where your food costs have increased significantly, what remains in your wellness budget may be strained also.

So, you may decide to forgo your regular monthly facial or similar beauty service to ensure that your food quality remains intact. Another strategy may be to prolong time between services, so that you can afford everything in your budget. In this example, your facial or beauty service happens every other month rather than monthly. In a similar way, you can also stretch your health insurance coverage by engaging in monthly counselling or massage services rather than bi-weekly sessions. Talk to your therapist about ways to sustain your counselling sessions without negative financial impact. Many therapists offer subsidies and will adjust your fee or schedule of interventions accordingly.

Readjusting your budget when costs are rising is always challenging for everybody. It calls for you to clarify what items in your budget are priorities and the reasons that you prioritize them. Including your “wellness” goals in your monthly budgeting will help to ensure that you remain healthy during financially trying times. Remember that your health and wellness is important and that you deserve to be well!

Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW

In Harmony with Self & Nature

The restorative aspects of nature has long been verified in both folk lore and science. The further you drive away from the city, the fresher the air may feel. Enjoying long walks, hikes, trails, or climbs in nature affords you the opportunity to learn from the environment. Retreating to the countryside, conservation areas, local parks or beaches gives your body, mind, and spirit the chance to reconnect with nature in the wild and to reflect on your own corporeal nature.

There is no doubt that modern modes of work have increased demands on cerebral functioning. Business and service industries have migrated to online platforms. Even those jobs that require direct or in-person contact have increased digitization and techo-merging with computer systems and processes aimed to streamline administrative and staffing functions such as scheduling, attendance, payroll, and more. The amount of time required to merge traditional labour, as you know it to virtual webspaces has been enormous. It remains to be seen what the toll of this work will be on the human brain and body.

More and more clients disclose symptoms consistent with adrenal and cognitive fatigue that typically result from extended periods of extreme stress. There appear to be a set of shared mental and physical impacts created by working too much, too hard, and for too long. Clients who avoid symptoms of overwork are at greater risk of burnout. Learning to identify when to take a break is a critical first step in sustaining your wellness over the long term. Once you begin to become aware of your need to take a break, the next challenge will find ways to integrate these into your work and play days.

Your body is usually the best measure of your health and wellness. Your corporeal self is essentially made up of the same materials found in all other life forms on the planet. When you find time to rest and recharge in nature, you benefit from the subtle nuances of natural rhythms you encounter when walking through a field, forest, or mountain top. You are exposed to reproductive, life and death cycles, and seasonal changes in all the plant and animal life that surrounds you. Being close witnesses to these miracles of nature will likely lead you to a deeper reflective view of yourself in nature as well.

In my clinical practice, understanding the self is a lifelong process of deep introspection and reflection. It is an integrative journey of self-knowledge that includes your body, mind, and spirit. A lack of balance in your life generally leads to problems in one of these three areas of the physical, mental, or spiritual self. Journeys of recovery and healing require you to regain balance in one or all areas. Years of self-neglect may require months or years of recovery. Getting to know yourself is a cool journey. Getting to a state of inner harmony where you appreciate that your life is as miraculous as those miracles of nature you see regularly on a casual walk each day is well worth the time you invest in yourself.

There are several natural cycles that you experience each day as well. These bio-rhythms include sleep, digestion, menstrual cycles, and hormonal changes. Some bio-rhythms change hourly, others daily, and even others progressively change over several years as you age. As a younger woman, I had regular menstrual periods that were consistent and not terribly painful. As a married woman, my sexual activity was connected to a loving partner who agreed to a family planning method that did not rely on the pill. I noticed many things about my monthly cycle that did in fact change when stressed, overworked, or with changes in the number of daylight hours. I had a relatively longer cycle that was usually 32 days in length, while many peers had shorter cycles. When work had been particularly stressful, I noticed a delay in my period by up to two weeks. Many women shared similar experiences and reflected on the impact of stress on this regular monthly hormone driven bio-rhythm.

Peri-menopause and menopause itself is another very intense period of several years where natural bio-cycles progressively change and on many levels. My professional and personal approach to care has always been bio-psycho-social. Understanding the self must include a corporeal perspective that allows you to be aware of the changes in your body when distressed. You may learn that you lose your appetite for food, sleep, or sex under great stress, or alternatively that your desires for food, sleep, substances, or sex grow as a means to release a build-up of toxic energy or the primary stress hormone cortisol. Some people make reckless decisions when distressed and regret that they failed to learn healthier coping strategies sooner. Practices such as yoga, Taiichi, mindful meditation, or contemplative prayer offer opportunities for you to slow down and “feel” your body‘s cardio and breathing rates. Newer technologies such as the Apple Watch, or Fitbit also provide you with immediate bio-feedback that can help you to identify signs of overwork as well as periods of rest.

Achieving states of inner harmony at different developmental stages in your life is possible when you care for yourself as a miraculous creation of nature. Self-love flows when you accept the fragility of your human body, and nurture yourself for health and wellness over the long term.

Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW