My husband and I recently attended a beautiful traditional wedding in Windsor. The young couple represent a true story of resilience and hope. The bride’s family were supported by our local parish for one year through the private refugee sponsorship program following their need to flee Iraq. The family is hard working and successful, each in their own right.
It was truly wonderful to see how a younger couple chose a completely traditional wedding and to marry locally. The official marriage ceremony was held in their local Coptic Catholic church where family members and close family attended to witness their exchange of vows. The Bride’s family and friends congregated at her home in advance of the wedding where there were lavish Iraqi treats made available to everyone. In keeping with their heritage and tradition, the groom’s family showed up in song to ceremonially “steal” the bride away from her family.
What is most significant to me is the nod to traditionalism and heritage and the importance of same to a family who were made to flee due to war, much like most other newcomers to Canada. This young couple who clearly have worked hard enough to afford a “destination” wedding abroad, chose to celebrate in the land that welcomed them home. Perhaps this is the critical difference in newcomer Canadians who so appreciate their new home and all that it has offered them in the way of social and financial liberties. The children worked hard to educate themselves with skills and credentials to build homes and futures of their own.
In destination weddings, couples invite family and typically a smaller number of close friends. These are held in hotels and resorts on tropical islands usually set close to an ocean or sea. Friends are expected to pay for their own travel, and they are welcome to stay for a number of days at the resort with the couple after the official marriage ceremony. My husband and I have never been invited to a popular island-style destination wedding. Most likely, this is due to the fact that we tend to be on the traditional side when it comes to marriage. We believe it is important to honour traditional family and cultural ceremonies that harken back centuries.
We also believe that marriage is sacramental and as such, is actually a holy institution created by God. Truly there is a mystery in the fact that the world is full of billions of people, and yet, the heart calls for this one. As a therapist, I am well aware that not all marriages last a lifetime, and that for some, love and happiness comes later in life. What seems to be a choice, is not a choice at all, and having the option to leave is the best one for them. It is a good thing that people who remain connected to traditional religious institutions have more options than ever to divorce and marry again in the church without scandal. It was truly not that long ago that people were fired or shunned for divorce or remarriage.
At this recent wedding, we were fortunate to sit at the same table as the bride’s next door neighbours who were both born and raised in Windsor, Ontario. They expressed how lucky they felt to live next door to this family, as they had upgraded the home and keep the gardens immaculate. They also shared that local banquet halls are suffering in Windsor, and happy to have traditional large weddings like the former Italian community used to have. This comment coupled with an article in today’s Toronto Star inspired me to write this summer blog.
I believe it is time for people to reconsider using local banquet halls or hotels to celebrate their wedding. I am confident that these local establishments could certainly use the business. As it happens, my husband and I have planned a “celebration of love” with family and friends this summer to be held in a hotel banquet hall. This is a combined birthday and anniversary bash to mark several milestones at once. It is really not that costly to stay local, and the upside is that you can invite your “reliables” to celebrate with you. Everyone loves a good party!
Sadly, we have lost some family and friends. Like many of our senior friends, we have begun to attend funerals and celebrations of life for people we have loved and lost. We have planned our celebration of love in advance of the inevitable noting that we can invite and spend time with all those people who have been a part of our life in positive ways. The cost of this party is less than renting a larger cottage in Ontario for the annual summer get-away, so to us it is a good thing!
It is clear that many people are suffering with the rising costs in all areas of life, especially in areas like food and entertainment. We have lived through a few recessions during our lifetime, and seem to know how to cut corners, reduce expenses, and return to an essentials only type of lifestyle without much fuss. With our disposable income, we do our best to support local initiatives and businesses as we feel it is important to do our part to keep the health of our local communities alive and well.
Best wishes if you are planning a wedding this year. Marriage is as sweet as you wish to make it. If things do not feel as “easy” as you once thought, then connecting with a counselling mental health provider who specializes in couple’s care is a good idea.
Enjoy your summer!
Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW