People continue to recover from the negative impacts of social isolation created by the Covid pandemic. Re-learning to live in community with a sense of safety and security has taken some time. It appears that the necessary requirements to quarantine during the height of the prolonged pandemic did injure the ability to socialize with ease. There have been concerns cited especially about the social impact on adolescents and teens in particular. Now that most of us have reintegrated into society, albeit differently – perhaps working remotely or hybrid on a permanent basis, you have likely increased your self-reliance and personal coping skills.

On the eve of 2024, I believe it is time to revisit the importance of co-regulating with all the people in your life – the loving and supportive people God sends you to help along the way. Of course, mastering self-regulation is an important aspect of human development that takes years of practice and refinement over time. Learning to manage your emotions during challenging times is a critical life skill that enhances your ability to both cope and achieve your personal and professional goals. Some of the common ways people self-regulate include:

• Walking or other forms of solitary exercise like swimming or yoga
• Mindfulness Practices, Meditation, and Contemplative Prayer
• Belly Balloon Breathing and Mindful Breathing
• Scrolling on I-devices or computers
• Video-gaming
• Recreational substance-use including alcohol, marijuana and THC gummies
• Consuming comforting foods and drinks like herbal teas
• Hobbies such as painting, knitting, or playing musical instruments

When used reasonably, these common self-regulating strategies help to calm down an over-active nervous system and to restore a sense of balance during emotionally overwhelming and challenging times. These strategies can be effective and are often reported as helpful.

Co-regulating opportunities are by nature social and always involve other people. The ability to co-regulate refers to your ability to understand and support the emotional needs of the people in your life AND equally important, their ability to love and support you in return. Unlike self-regulating tasks, co-regulating skills rely less on the self and more on the other to help during emotionally difficult and challenging times. Some common co-regulating strategies that you might have neglected since Covid include:

• Walking with a spouse, neighbour, friend or loved one
• Sustaining eye contact, emotional attunement, and active presence with people
• Asking for help and seeking support when you are feeling overwhelmed or lost
• Talking to someone you trust and respect
• Calling a friend, relative, or loved one on the telephone to talk
• Playing a game, music, or sport with a friend, relative, or loved one
• Sharing in a meal or recreational activity with other people
• Putting your cellphone or device away when spending time with people
• Holding hands with the people you love
• Regularly hugging your spouse and loved ones

There are many studies that demonstrate both physiological and psychological alignment when co-regulating with a safe and trusted person. Blood pressure, heart rates, and moods will co-regulate during skin to skin contact with a loved one. The gifts of co-regulation also include an increased sense of secure attachment with the people in your life; stronger emotional bonds and connections with family and friends; a deeper sense of trust in others and community; and a healthy social network of people who are there to help, share, celebrate, grow with, and care for you. In addition to your self-regulating strategies, co-regulating skills will enhance your ability to cope and manage your emotions.

I wish you the best in 2024 as we all continue to restore our sense of connection and reconnections with one another.

Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist (OCSWSSW)

Emotional bandwidth is a newer concept referring to the energy people have or do not have to support the people around you. It helps to understand that there are limits to the capacity to care especially when you are feeling physically and emotionally depleted due to overexertion, overwork, and exhaustion. High achievers in all sectors are generally at risk of burn-out. They tend to work harder, longer, and faster then their peers with excellent results that are noticed in the workplace. Being rewarded for excellent outcomes and productivity usually reinforces people to continue to work as hard, long, and fast over time. The problem with this of course is the realities imposed by the human body, mind, and soul. People do break down due to overwork, overexertion, and exhaustion. People do suffer physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual breakdowns.

Elite athletes are great examples to understand limits of human capacity. They train hard, long, and fast often with excellent results. They also suffer many physical and mental injuries along the way. Some athletes suffer from adrenal fatigue after years of high impact training and sports. This condition is usually diagnosed and treated holistically by naturopathic doctors. Symptoms may include lethargy, extreme tiredness, and a general sense of malaise. It can take weeks or months to restore the body back to normative levels of energy and to heal the body’s natural autonomic circadian rhythms like sleeping and reproductive health in women required for overall health and wellness. There are limits to pushing the human body too far. Your body will begin to tell you when you are reaching your own capacity limits. If you are in-tune with your own physical wellness, you will begin to notice a change in what your body can tolerate and begin to slow down for rest and recovery reasons. If you are less in tune with your own body, you may try to push through periods of decreased physical tolerance to stress caused by overexertion that may result in greater injury or harm. The key is to begin to learn when, why, what, and how your body needs time to renew its capacity levels.

There are also problems with pushing your emotional limits too far as well. Feeling angry, frustrated, disappointed, or negatively with situations or people at home, work, and in the community build cumulatively in ways that may result in mental and emotional breakdowns. Similar to the physical body, people also have emotional and mental capacity limits as well. If you are in tune with your mental health and wellness, then you will know when to begin to retreat and withdraw from situations or people that for whatever reason result in emotional over-exertion on your part. You may also find it best to socialize more with those people in your life who fill you up and lighten your mood. If you are less aware of the people and situations in your life that stress your tolerance levels, you may try to push through emotionally during trying times, thereby risking your own mental health and wellness .

Working with a mental health specialist during emotionally difficult periods of time is the difference that can make the difference for people at risk of emotional burnout and mental breakdowns. Talking about events, people, and situations that are particularly trying will help to gain clarity on what you need to do to stay well. Some of the work may involve strengthening your personal boundaries and setting limits in light of your own capacity requirements. Everyone has the right to be healthy and well. Creating personal boundaries that ensure your store of wellness remains nurtured and healthy during trying times is necessary for your own mental health and wellness. “Toxic” relationships are real and you may need some professional help to navigate them, especially where the person is important to you.

Learning to self-nurture your emotional bandwidth in the face of chaos is an amazing journey of wellness. It excites and incentivizes mental health specialists when clients learn to set healthy boundaries and to live happier lives. Companies that support mental health and wellness in the workplace with healthy insurance benefit plans that cover social work, counselling, and psychotherapy are excellent responses to the growing demands and pressures of work in all fields. So, find yourself a therapist who understands the limits of your emotional bandwidth and the importance of building personal boundaries that protect your inner core and joy even through the most trying of times.

Enjoy these remaining days of summer!

Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist (OCSWSSW).