Helping couples to remain faithful to their vows is a special role of psychotherapy in individual and couple’s counselling. Many people experience feelings of attraction to someone other than their spouse, even after marriage.
Adult crushes are more common than you think, and these may not indicate a problem in your marriage.
There are several realms of attraction that may surprise a newlywed or young person. Discovering that you are physically or intellectually attracted to someone at work, school, or in your community may catch you off guard. Discovering that you are attractive to someone other than your spouse may also come as a surprise.
It is common to think about an exciting conversation or project you engaged in with someone at work or school long after it has finished. These alluring ruminations usually work to remind you about the initial fluttering of early love with your spouse. Falling in love is a unique experience that you will never forget. Having reminders about these feelings is a good thing, and often brings back the magic to your own relationship.
For most people who wisely “catch” themselves from the rousing allure of attraction with someone other than a spouse, these reminiscent feelings of excitement are usually enough. Discovering that you have feelings of intrigue are natural, especially when you spend many hours of your day with people other than your spouse.
Discussing your adult crush with your spouse is something you may wish to think about beforehand. Some people have a stable sense of self-confidence and self-esteem to withstand the normative feelings of concern that occurs when you learn that your partner is physically, emotionally, or intellectually attracted to someone else. Some people are far less self-assured.
Where your attraction to another person persists, and more importantly beings to pose a real threat to your fidelity, talking to a therapist or friend will help.
Marriage vows involve a promise of lifelong fidelity. Responding mindfully, maturely, and reflectively to the allurement of another preserves your promise to be true that you created at the beginning of your journey together.
Where persistent attractions distract you from your spouse, more clinical support is advised to explore your feelings and what you may believe is lacking in your monogamous relationship. You deserve to be happy in your marriage. You deserve to be happy in your life.
The inevitability of infidelity as portrayed in the movies is actually fantastical. Lifelong marriages remain the norm, and most couples are faithful to one another forever, as originally promised, and despite the sappy overuse of the term, forever. Love is everlasting.
Trust your marriage to the best, we care how you feel!!!!
By Dr. Lisa Romano-Dwyer RSW