The Comfort of Intimacy

One of the kindest compliments I ever received was when someone playfully referred to my surname and said, “Lisa, you put roman into romantic”. Known as a longtime admirer of epic love tales, I am truly, a romantic at heart. I do confess that I cry at weddings, movies, war museums, and commercials that “catch” the special magic of love, just so. The many forgotten stories of committed War Brides whose fallen husbands never returned home continue to inspire a post-modern heart. The idea that the flame of love once lit can burn brightly for a lifetime.

It remains uncertain if the concept and practice of “monogamy” will survive post-modernism. Some couples continue to try. Without judgment, the modern clinician bravely enters the intimate emotional space of marriage, partnership, civil union, and sexual relationship to help some couples manage deeply personal aspects of their relationship.

The vast majority of couple’s counsellors enjoy the unique features of marital therapy. Of course, it is possible to engage in Couple’s Counselling even where there is no formal marriage certificate or legal civil union. Traditionally, Marital Therapy involved two individuals committed in a loving relationship with one another exclusively. Polygamy and polyamory complicate the traditional parameters of marital therapy.

Often used in post-affair work, Marital Therapy is designed to support couples to review their initial commitment to live life with one another, and in most situations to grow a family together. It builds on communication and role theories that centralize strength-based notions of equity, fairness, respect, joy, and pleasure in psychotherapy with couples. Integrating key components of change theory and principles of CBT, couples reclaim and develop old and new problem solving strategies together.

Everyone has a right to personal happiness. Everyone deserves to feel loved and to be loved. Often portrayed as boring and weird in pop culture & Hollywood movies, committed marriages are mostly taken for granted by society at large.

In truth, most people enjoy long-term, committed and happy marriages. Confusing Canadian Statistics reveal that 38% of marriages end in divorce, mostly between the 10-24th year of marriage. The rest of us continue in committed long-term relationships until “death due us part.” Studies also reveal that friends who befriend other married couples tend to enjoy healthier relationships. There is a community of “silent” married couples who support one another when life gets troubled or difficult in one form or other.

Covid19 self-isolation has likely stressed even the healthiest couples!!! Take some “real” alone time as life returns back to normal, and laugh at the ways you stepped on eachother’s toes over the past several weeks. Take some time to reflect on the ways the two of you spent your time, adjusted to the pandemic together, and how you simply enjoyed each other.

Dr. Lisa Romano-Dwyer PhD, RSW Sunny dispositions deserve to shine!!!!

#wellness #marriage #commitment #pleasure #epiclove #forevermine #IsolatedTogether

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